NARITA CONVENTION (hereinafter referred to as the “Convention”)
Whereas, eccentric and peculiar members of the Tokyo Gaijin Rugby Football Club (the “TGRFC”), a savage light shining from their eyes, shall, following prosaic yet secret manly practices, again throw themselves into games of blood and lust at the 2007 Manila Rugby 10s tournament;
Whereas, a dishonorable few, jealousy and malice in their hearts, souls rotted with sanctimonious piety and humbuggery, peas in their scrotums (if they have scrotums) and skid marks in their shorts, speak vile and malevolent stories of debauchery and excess to dishonor the proud, thrusting, eccentric and peculiar tourists;
Whereas, such malevolent stories have lead the worthless, weak and feeble-minded to question the honor and intentions of the tourists; and
Whereas, the honor and secret manly practices of the tour must be protected, from the creeping onslaught and crippling demagoguery of the sanctimonious and the worthless, weak and small;
Now, therefore, the TGRFC tourists of the 2007 Manila Tour hereby adopt the Convention also known as the protocols of the elders of Makati and/or alternatively known as the Wanchai Accord:
1. General Rule – Except under the specific exceptions described in Section 2, no tourist shall provide information, tell tales of, recount rumors of, explain, or otherwise describe, whether in verbal, written, gaseous, kabuki, hand-signal, or other form, tour activities, including without limitation, the secret and manly practices, that incriminates another tourist in acts that the average person (a mean, vile, and vicious character of little worth, but the unfortunate legal standard bearer) would find embarrassing or that are criminal in nature ( a so called, Phuc Up, from, some say, the name for the ancient Vietnamese practice of hugging a holy porcelain ring and demanding forgiveness while offering a partially digested culinary delight).
2. Exceptions –
a. A tourist may describe a Phuc Up of their own to the extent no other tourists are implicated, and it must be told in the context of being a personal choice of that tourist and otherwise out of character with team activities.
b. A tourist may describe a Phuc Up of another tourist with the other's consent or participation and otherwise in conformity with clause a above.
c. Tourists may always recount tales of the tour, whether true or not, among themselves, and outside of the hearing or other comprehension of non-tourists.
3. Guidance – In deciding whether the Convention applies assistance can be find in the “Wedding Speech Test” whereby the person about to recount the tale must ask himself if (i) he would feel comfortable delivering the same tale in a speech at the wedding of the hero of said story AND (ii) whether the hero of said story would (in all probability) be happy to have said story recounted in front of multiple generations of family and a new bride. ONLY if the answer to both (i) and (ii) above is in the affirmative will a story be likely to be excluded from the application of the convention, but even this is not conclusive of the fact and is only guidance. If in doubt, leave it out.
4. Breaking the Convention – Breach of the Convention, be it deliberate or accidental, is very, very serious and will result, if the victim of the breach so desires it, in an automatic life time ban from all future foreign tours and public naming as someone who cannot be trusted to keep faith with his brother tourists and team mates.
5. OATH – By agreeing to come on the Manila 10s 2007 TGRFC tour you hereby irrevocably and forever agree to the be bound by the terms of the Convention.
Agreed this day 平